Dear Planet Earth,
If you’re out there and able to read this, please try to make contact on here, Facebook, or Twitter. We can find you, and protect you, and offer you the chance to fight against the mole people. We can offer you hope.
Speaking of which, General Talpa is supposed to be visiting me soon. I’m praying he’ll let me come along with them again since the swelling in my leg is now down to the size of only two watermelons and the pain is back at Pauly Shore levels.