You Have Died of Dysentery

Dear Planet Earth,

It’s been a crazy few days. We crossed over into California, chased by mole men for two days before they seemed to give up and turned around. They were using some kind of weird vehicle we hadn’t seen before, something Fred Flintstone might use if he was into steampunk.

One of the trucks broke down on Friday, so we had to fit all those people and equipment in the other ones. A tiny old woman sat on my lap for an entire day, and I tried my best not to learn anything about her in order to keep the awkwardness to a minimal level.

We didn’t see any other groups or signs of humans besides the countless abandoned cars littering the roads. No one could give me a convincing answer as to why we couldn’t just take some of those cars and find another place for Grandma’s bony butt.

We lost two oxen and I was sick with typhoid. That was a joke, by the way. An Oregon Trail joke.

We just set up camp here at a used car lot, which is about half as fun as it sounds. We’re going to try to sleep in the lobby, but it’s probably just as spacious back on the trucks.

I haven’t seen Talpa around, so I’m not sure what our next moves are. It’s good to stretch the legs out — or just leg — and I was able to juice up my computer pretty quickly. When we’re back on the road, I’m going to see if the troops will let me use those power generators, which I didn’t see them use at all before.

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3 comments

  1. s

    Get over yourself. Aww…your poor leg, you’re alive. I lost my whole family due to drunk drivers, and you’re bitching about your leg-it’s been a month already. And do you know what’s awkward not talking to someone when sitting next to you/ on your lap. Have you heard of common decency? Or were you to busy trying not to get a hard-on with a woman on your lap. You’re a sick person, and remember your friend you left up against a tree to rot-still not over it! Yeah, but you go and try to get some sleep, it must be tough having people protect you and drive you around.

  2. s

    and don’t correct my grammar-thinking you’re all that. Oh, look at me, I know grammar. Remember to tell the mole man that when they’re pointing a gun at you.

    • joesix

      If you’re the “S” I think you are, I would never dare try to correct your grammar. As always, thanks for the sympathy. How goes the fight in South Korea?

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