Tagged: uganda

The Timeline

Dear Planet Earth,

Here it is — the official timeline of events from October 7 to right now. It’s a little long and chaotic, but I guess that just fits the theme of everything lately. I tried to make it as detailed as possible without focusing too much on me, but there’s still so little we know about the events that have been happening outside of Nevada. Please add any other information you might have in the comments below.

October 7, 2011 — The first major earthquakes occur in Uganda. We know now these quakes were caused by the enormous drills making their long treks up to the surface.

October 16, 2011 — The mole people hack the entirety of cyberspace for the first time with a message that initially looked like gibberish using Cyrillic characters. The loss of communication with Uganda planted the first seeds of worldwide panic.

October 20, 2011 — CNN sends in an army of reporters to document the situation in Uganda. The video stream abruptly ends the next day after images of explosions flood the screens, presumably from the mole men’s first attack on humanity.

October 23, 2011 — Another hack and another message arrive. This message, typed with Korean characters, heralded the beginning of the media blackout that continues to this day.

October 26, 2011 — The earthquakes begin in Las Vegas. It takes a full six days for them to stop and reveal their source — another drill.

November 1, 2011 — Twitter and YouTube come back online with limited functionality. Although the tremors have stopped, they’ve caused irreparable damage to the people and infrastructure of the entire country.

November 5, 2011 — The mole men release their first message with English characters. They demand utter subservience as our future masters, claiming we’ve ruined our chance of ruling the upper crust by destroying the environment.

November 11, 2011 — New York City is swiftly attacked and defeated by the mole people.

November 12, 2011 — I am kidnapped by a group of heavily armed homeless people. It is now thought that the homeless have been secret spies for the mole people for countless generations.

November 15, 2011 — Miami and Washington, D.C. are both attacked and defeated by the mole people.

November 22, 2011 — I am arrested and interrogated by an army battalion under the command of General Talpa. They release me after determining I’m not a threat, though I’m told my name was among thousands being broadcast by the drills.

December 6, 2011 — Atlanta is attacked and defeated by the mole people.

December 7, 2011 — A large group of homeless people begin to gather around the Las Vegas drill. Chicago is attacked and defeated by the mole people.

December 18, 2011 — I make contact with a homeless woman who makes me think I’m more connected to the enemy than I’d like.

December 21, 2011 — The Las Vegas drill begins to vibrate and open. The mole men attack and our battalion is forced to retreat the city. This was the first time we actually had a face and a name for our enemy (which I coined).

December 25, 2011 — General Talpa’s remaining troops regroup with another battalion just outside the Clark County basin.

December 29, 2011 — We continue west, but are ambushed by mole people near a public high school. A number of civilians taking refuge in the high school flee with us toward Creech Air Force Base.

December 30, 2011 — We arrive at Creech Air Force Base, but it is already in shambles. Our battalion plans a major offensive against an approaching force of mole people.

January 1, 2012 — Our forces are severely beaten in battle and forced to retreat. I am shot in the leg by a strange weapon that seems to have no bullets.

January 4, 2012 — Phoenix is attacked and defeated by the mole people.

January 10, 2012 — We arrive at St. Mark’s Hospital to regroup and treat our wounded, me among them.

January 13, 2012 — General Talpa’s battalion heads out once again to look for survivors and build a resistance.

January 25, 2012 — The troops raid a camp of mole men and secure the first known victory against them.

February 8, 2012 — The hospital is attacked by a small group of mole men shortly after the troops return.

Holy Shit

Dear Planet Earth,

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. If you haven’t been watching the stream of the latest from Uganda, do it. Now.

About half an hour ago, we started seeing the first explosions off in the darkness. They have become progressively louder and larger as the minutes slowly march on. The video is incredibly grainy so it’s impossible to see the source of the destruction. It sounds like a war zone, complete with tank cannons and terrified shrieks. What the hell is going on over there?

Better Than Cougar Town

Dear Planet Earth,

CNN has a live stream up of the latest crew to enter the no man’s land once known as the Republic of Uganda.  The mysterious and catastrophic earthquake is causing the video to look interrupted and full of static, but they claim to be using a landlocked transmission source that will broadcast clearer than satellites.  If the situation gets any tenser, they’ll have to bring out their real secret weapon, the last and only resource our modern news media has to deliver information and make lasting impacts on the world around us — Anderson Cooper.

Seriously though, this is as good an excuse as any to put off your English class projects and stay glued to your screens.  The must-see disaster of 2011 is upon us, people.  Okay, so I’m not making it sound as serious as it really is, but it’s hard to keep up a concerned, dignified composure all the time — just ask Anderson.


Dear Planet Earth,

As I alluded to yesterday, and as some news sites are actually reporting, it has now been three days since the world lost contact with the earthquake relief workers in Uganda.  This may be due to a loss of radio towers in the area or even an influx of magnetic metals that has moved up to the planet’s crust and is interfering with satellites.  The more people they send in, the less we seem to know.

No matter what’s going on in there, we can safely assume that it’s an unprecedented level of devastation that goes beyond any average earthquake.  Before we lost contact with media on the ground, the earth was apparently still shaking for the past eight days and the tremors grew large enough so as to affect southern Sudan.  The death toll was at 73,000.

I’ve mentioned this before, but in situations like these every person can make a difference, even if it’s only five dollars at a time.  Please donate to AmeriCares and support Uganda in their time of need.


The Quake

Dear Planet Earth,

This Ugandan earthquake thing is getting out of control.  I might not be the sharpest stake in the vampire hunter’s drawer, but even I know that the earth isn’t supposed to shake for five days nonstop.  Authorities are doing their best to evacuate the affected areas as swiftly as possible, but every news report is hammering the fact that their resources are stretched thin.

I strongly suggest throwing a couple bucks at your favorite aid agency, if you haven’t already done so (and I guess, even if you have).  Even five bucks can go a long way and you’ll get a warm, fuzzy feeling in your heart.  You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 immediately.  The American Red Cross is always good, but I’ve heard that they don’t use their funds as efficiently as they could; I’ve been donating to a group called AmeriCares during the past few global cataclysms and they haven’t squashed my naivety yet.

Procrastination 101

Dear Planet Earth,

It’s been a couple of days now.  I wish I had more to blog about than the earthquake in Uganda and how the mainstream news is basically ignoring it, but I need something to distract me from Earth Science homework and college essays.

I can’t understand why my school forces seniors to take science classes anyway.  I don’t want to sound like a Republican presidential candidate here, but there has to be more valuable uses for our time besides learning the most basics concepts of ideas that change every ten years.  We really know so little about the universe–it’s origin, it’s future–even our own planet’s ocean floors continue to elude us and cause us to make all sorts of crazy theories.  So, for forty-five minutes a day, I could learn a lot more applicable information from say, a home ec class or even just a study hall class.

There’s my two cents.  I guess it doesn’t have a lot to do with Uganda.